[repost] “He Asked Permission to Touch, but Not to Ghost” (Sender)

The sad, true story of a young woman who has not grown up to understand the boundaries of free sex through websites like Tinder. I found this article to be both sad and horrific…

Dear Ms. Sender:

Unfortunately, sexual consent doesn’t have anything to do with care because “free” sex has nothing to do with care. It is, in fact, antithetical to care, being of a nature linked to lack of social responsibility and commitment to each other, resulting in both genders being free to ghost as they see fit. After all, the whole point of the 60’s “free love” movement was to release the sexual act from the confines of the expectations of commitment (usually, marriage), in order to experience freedom from moralistic (or religious) restrictions. Furthermore, seeking “genuine” intimacy and long-term care from someone within the public spaces of quick satisfaction (Tinder and POF apps/websites) is an exercise in futility. Eharmony and other more costly websites would better serve your need for emotional satisfaction – but even then, it is not a promise. If you continue to require not only the overly patronizing verbal forms of consensual permission (as evidenced in your story) but also require emotional commitment from a short-term meet up, you will find yourself with a dearth of the kind of men you seek – the kind who are available for a quick hook up. Listen to your friend. She is speaking truth… and recognize that you must do to others what you’d want them to do to you. Seek commitment and intimacy in the right places, and commitment and intimacy will come home to roost soon enough.

A Concerned Bystander

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